Developing friendships were always difficult for me. I was involved in many activities, but they were seasonal. I was content with seeing people during activities and move on to other groups when one sport ended and another began. Home was a refuge for me. When that got depressing, I was more than willing to do out of town work to get away from the situation I was getting myself into. I enjoy my work and hobbies. The volunteering I did for curling – club, association and coaching did get me in contact with people and all that work was enjoyable. When time commitments for coaching started to conflict with work I knew that coaching had to end for the short term. I also felt that I was missing something in life. The depressing thoughts were becoming a bit more common and persistent. I was able to fight through them, but life wasn’t much fun.
I had been raised in a Christian home. Most of the family went to church on Sundays and prayer was part of my childhood. Weekend sports and activities made church services an optional part of my life from my teen years on. Recently I starting thinking about the church as a place to find what was missing and get some help. Not realizing that the Lord was there with me through all my troubles and helping me get through the rough parts of depression. Where to go and what direction would it take me was the question.
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“Would you like to dance?” A simple phrase that has developed into a very warm and loving relationship. Marcia and I had crossed paths for many years, but that one request has turned my life around. I knew of her faith from the talks we had and was interested in coming to church and being part of her life. I was seeking. And I was asking questions. My knowledge of biblical history was good, but not my knowledge of the Word. Being with the members of the church was uplifting to me. It made me feel good about myself and my life. Marcia’s love and support has been tremendous.
It was the adult bible camp at Capernwray this summer that changed my life and I accepted Jesus Christ as my saviour. The title topic – John’s Gospel, Life Thru his Name. (Sorry Stephen(my pastor at Providence), it took a second reading of the Word for me to get the message as well as good people to spend quality time with, great discussions regarding John’s gospel and good long walks with Marcia. Most of the Monday evening session was becoming difficult to comprehend until Peter Reid was in his closing comments about Nicodemus and the need to be born again to accept Jesus as your saviour. “When you are welcomed into the House of the Lord and feel you have come home.” and “I feel that there is someone like Nicodemus in the room tonight”. I sort of lost it at that point and I did feel his presence. I didn’t realize it at the time, but my first day at Providence was a turning point in accepting Jesus Christ as my saviour.
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The Lord had been with me all through those difficult days and helped me battle my demons. He is with me now as my faith grows and my understanding of the Word becomes clearer. It makes the wedding planning with Marcia so much more special knowing that the Lord is with us in everything we do.
My life is revitalized, it has meaning, I enjoy all activities and I look forward to hearing the Word from the Pastors and meeting the church members. A burden has been lifted and I do not walk alone anymore. I know Jesus is guiding my life and keeping me on a righteous path. He will be with Marcia and I as we continue our life together into the future.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Dave's Story
I am convinced that Jesus died and rose again not just to save prostitutes and criminals. He also died to save church people and religious types. I was a church guy. I was religious as all get out. But I needed to meet Jesus, and begin a new relationship with him in order to get off the ground.
Before I met Jesus, my life had no real reason to me. I grew up in the Church. As a child and early teenager, I did not experience God in my life. In grade nine, I had no motivation for continuing to go to church, so I quit. One Sunday in grade eleven, I was impressed that I should go to church. I went back. I discovered that church hadn’t changed, but I had. This began a new phase of my life where I became a religious nut, a holy joe. I held church services in my bedroom, and sometimes went to church as many as five times on a Sunday. Several years later I went to a theological college. I had hoped that studying what I was interested in would lead to success. It didn’t. I still lacked purpose and motivation. I visited new churches on Sunday evenings to see what I could learn.
One night I flipped a quarter to decide which church to attend. I heard a sermon that changed my life. I thought I was already a Christian, but God prompted me to go through the motions of committing my life to Christ. What attracted me at that time was the new discovery Jesus had the power to change my life. I knew very well that church and religion could not change me. Three years later I went to another college. I experienced strong motivation and great success in my courses, symbolic of the power of Christ to change my life.
Getting to know Jesus made my life into an adventure. The adventure continues. Jesus is still changing me. I am not as churchy or as religious as I once was. I am convinced that I need Jesus every day. As a sinner, I appreciate that today I have a right standing with God because Jesus died and lives, not because of anything I have done or could possibly do. Definitely not because of church or religion. I love Jesus, the one who loved me and gave himself for me. I fail in many ways to be all that God wants me to be. My self-centeredness still fights against God’s influence in my life. I don’t always feel like a Christian. Yet regardless of how I feel, God is always there for me.
The daily experience of Christianity as a relationship reassures me that I am forgiven, accepted, and being changed. Two differences Jesus makes in 2009 is I have stopped teasing my wife, and I apologize for the wrong things I say much sooner than in the past. Jesus is my reason for living, my hope for the future. There is good news—Jesus wins!
Before I met Jesus, my life had no real reason to me. I grew up in the Church. As a child and early teenager, I did not experience God in my life. In grade nine, I had no motivation for continuing to go to church, so I quit. One Sunday in grade eleven, I was impressed that I should go to church. I went back. I discovered that church hadn’t changed, but I had. This began a new phase of my life where I became a religious nut, a holy joe. I held church services in my bedroom, and sometimes went to church as many as five times on a Sunday. Several years later I went to a theological college. I had hoped that studying what I was interested in would lead to success. It didn’t. I still lacked purpose and motivation. I visited new churches on Sunday evenings to see what I could learn.
One night I flipped a quarter to decide which church to attend. I heard a sermon that changed my life. I thought I was already a Christian, but God prompted me to go through the motions of committing my life to Christ. What attracted me at that time was the new discovery Jesus had the power to change my life. I knew very well that church and religion could not change me. Three years later I went to another college. I experienced strong motivation and great success in my courses, symbolic of the power of Christ to change my life.
Getting to know Jesus made my life into an adventure. The adventure continues. Jesus is still changing me. I am not as churchy or as religious as I once was. I am convinced that I need Jesus every day. As a sinner, I appreciate that today I have a right standing with God because Jesus died and lives, not because of anything I have done or could possibly do. Definitely not because of church or religion. I love Jesus, the one who loved me and gave himself for me. I fail in many ways to be all that God wants me to be. My self-centeredness still fights against God’s influence in my life. I don’t always feel like a Christian. Yet regardless of how I feel, God is always there for me.
The daily experience of Christianity as a relationship reassures me that I am forgiven, accepted, and being changed. Two differences Jesus makes in 2009 is I have stopped teasing my wife, and I apologize for the wrong things I say much sooner than in the past. Jesus is my reason for living, my hope for the future. There is good news—Jesus wins!
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Cathy's Story
On the wall in my bedroom was a picture of Jesus, as a shepherd walking a frightened girl across a bridge over fomenting waters. Somehow that picture captured the feelings of aloneness I experienced, even though I grew up in a large farm family on the Saskatchewan prairies. Life meant living by an ethic of hard work and conforming to a strict religious code, according to the understanding of a group of Mennonites who sang in unison, wore dark clothes and where even a Sunday family picnic with baseball might raise eyebrows. And I was a good girl! I tried very hard to please those around me, and wondered if there was a way to please God so that I would not always have this feeling of being on the outside looking in. Would the Good Shepherd in the picture notice me? Why did I feel He never noticed how hard I was trying to be the good girl? If I could up sum up my life in those early years, before the Good Shepherd found me, it would be “aloneness” or “alienation”. It seemed I was on a search to find real connection.
It was into this sense of lostness, that the words I encountered in a book, which was actually a quote from the Bible, signaled a light to follow. “If you search for me with all your heart, you will surely find me”. In my finite mind, I had not yet grasped the fact that indeed the Shepherd was pursuing me as I tried the routes of “being good”, “going to church” and “reading the Bible” as ways to appeal to God to accept me. Gradually I began to realize that I could never sufficiently please the Good Shepherd, and that indeed, all my so-called “goodnesses” were simply what the Bible called, “filthy rags”. Slowly I saw that my only hope lay in the Good Shepherd alone. I began to faithfully listen to the “Hour of Decision” by Billy Graham”, but God still seemed so inaccessible. I wanted to repent, to believe yet seemed unable to do so. I remember one night looking into a stormy sky, noting how it mirrored my own heart. Again the words of Billy Graham rang in my heart, “You must renounce your sins and believe in Jesus”. I said, “Yes, Jesus, I do, I do, and I believe in you”. The stormy sky in my heart lifted to the bright sunshine of relief, forgiveness, acceptance. The little good girl was freed from the shackles of “trying to be good enough for God” to believe that He received me as his child because Jesus had paid the debt I owed. He perfectly obeyed and loved God like I had tried and failed to do, and he forgave me. I had made an idol of being good and that idol had kept me from freely embracing Him. Now I was accepted! I was accepted, not on the basis of my own goodness and my proud efforts at trying to be good enough. I was accepted because the Good Shepherd had paid for all my sin, my proud efforts to do it myself, my idol of being a “good girl”. It all crumbled and I saw that I was accepted into God’s heart because of Jesus and what He did for me! I was accepted. I belonged!
Do I still struggle with that familiar idol, of wanting to please by my “good deeds”? Yes, so often I need to remind myself of the gospel, the good news that I never come to God on my own merits, but always because Jesus died for me, and rose again. When I resort to “trying to be good” or note the seduction of the approval seeking idol lurking in my heart, I recall that Jesus promised to remake me into a person of integrity that will remind people of Him. He wants to free me from the flaw of people pleasing, from the seduction of wanting to look good, to a focus that cares about how people view Jesus, and not me. Many times I find myself groaning inwardly when I hear of another instance where biblical morality is shunned, or where the name of Christ is devalued. I find that I long to see people embrace the truth that is in the gospel, the good news that Christ has entered history, embraced humanity by becoming a man, paying for our sin and conquering our foe, Death, by rising again. I want to spend my life being a signpost for Jesus, pointing to Him as “the way, the truth and the Life”.
It was into this sense of lostness, that the words I encountered in a book, which was actually a quote from the Bible, signaled a light to follow. “If you search for me with all your heart, you will surely find me”. In my finite mind, I had not yet grasped the fact that indeed the Shepherd was pursuing me as I tried the routes of “being good”, “going to church” and “reading the Bible” as ways to appeal to God to accept me. Gradually I began to realize that I could never sufficiently please the Good Shepherd, and that indeed, all my so-called “goodnesses” were simply what the Bible called, “filthy rags”. Slowly I saw that my only hope lay in the Good Shepherd alone. I began to faithfully listen to the “Hour of Decision” by Billy Graham”, but God still seemed so inaccessible. I wanted to repent, to believe yet seemed unable to do so. I remember one night looking into a stormy sky, noting how it mirrored my own heart. Again the words of Billy Graham rang in my heart, “You must renounce your sins and believe in Jesus”. I said, “Yes, Jesus, I do, I do, and I believe in you”. The stormy sky in my heart lifted to the bright sunshine of relief, forgiveness, acceptance. The little good girl was freed from the shackles of “trying to be good enough for God” to believe that He received me as his child because Jesus had paid the debt I owed. He perfectly obeyed and loved God like I had tried and failed to do, and he forgave me. I had made an idol of being good and that idol had kept me from freely embracing Him. Now I was accepted! I was accepted, not on the basis of my own goodness and my proud efforts at trying to be good enough. I was accepted because the Good Shepherd had paid for all my sin, my proud efforts to do it myself, my idol of being a “good girl”. It all crumbled and I saw that I was accepted into God’s heart because of Jesus and what He did for me! I was accepted. I belonged!
Do I still struggle with that familiar idol, of wanting to please by my “good deeds”? Yes, so often I need to remind myself of the gospel, the good news that I never come to God on my own merits, but always because Jesus died for me, and rose again. When I resort to “trying to be good” or note the seduction of the approval seeking idol lurking in my heart, I recall that Jesus promised to remake me into a person of integrity that will remind people of Him. He wants to free me from the flaw of people pleasing, from the seduction of wanting to look good, to a focus that cares about how people view Jesus, and not me. Many times I find myself groaning inwardly when I hear of another instance where biblical morality is shunned, or where the name of Christ is devalued. I find that I long to see people embrace the truth that is in the gospel, the good news that Christ has entered history, embraced humanity by becoming a man, paying for our sin and conquering our foe, Death, by rising again. I want to spend my life being a signpost for Jesus, pointing to Him as “the way, the truth and the Life”.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Lynea's Story
I met Jesus as a child. My parents both had a relationship with Jesus and knew him as their Savior. They wanted the same for me. I asked Jesus to save me from my sins when I was just 3 years old. Growing up, I played the responsible, parent-pleasing daughter at home and was rarely guilty of offense. I was sure God was quite pleased with my compliance to his Fatherly guidance as well. It took a long time to realize that this type of relationship with God was based on my own self-dependent religiosity, which Jesus harshly condemned in the “do-gooders” of his time. Jesus came to offer me his goodness and his perfection based on his standards, but I couldn’t see how much I needed it. Nearly 20 years later, while engaged to be married and fulfilling my dream of living in Africa, I came to need it when my own goodness failed me in three major ways:
First, I was horrified to feel a growing sense of spiritual and national superiority. Africa had so many problems. I was surrounded by daily poverty and suffering which I attributed to corruption, dependency on foreign aid, and what I perceived as a general lack of resourcefulness and ingenuity. In my heart grew judgementalism, distrust, and defensiveness toward my fellow students, professors, and friends. I was ashamed of these feelings and afraid that someone would see through my kind, giving exterior to the darkness of my heart. Much of the time I just wanted to go home; run away from the problems and from my pride.
The second major surprise was just how controlled by vanity I was. I gained nearly 20 pounds while there, and it was really bothering me. I had tried bulimic behaviors a few times while I was at college in the States. Now I tried it again, binging and fasting. In my spirit I was very uncomfortable with it, but I ignored my guilty conscience and kept on. I nearly ruined the relationship with my fiancee over it as he began to discover how self-centered and fake I was. He should have just dumped me; vanity was getting in the way of our love for each other, for the people around me, and God.
The third failing was sexual immorality with my fiancee. Our engaged life was tainted with regret as we struggled to stay pure before marriage. I had lived my life on the belief that God’s ways were best – that obedience was not a burden but rather a benefit of being his dearly loved child. But seriously! . . .obedience in terms of sexual purity seemed a terrible burden in times of passion and romance! We ended up not only failed God’s standards, but our own expectations as well. And no matter how guilty and determined we felt to stop, we were powerless to change our future actions, let alone erase our past actions!
Now I understand that you who are reading this may believe my guilt over these things was misplaced or unjustified. Fine. But I believe that there comes a point in every life when you simply know that what you did was not good enough. You have failed; you messed up. That was me. It was a gross and inescapable reality – I had done the wrong thing. I was wrong. I could have dismissed my guilt by saying, “nobody’s perfect” or “everyone makes mistakes” or “I have a right to do what feels good to me.” Yet I realized an imperfection was in me and it bothered me deep down. I wanted it erased and gone. I was desperate to be clean and free from accusation.
That’s when my childhood friendship with Jesus became not just a fairytale fantasy but a bloody-real deal. Jesus was the only one who could offer me what I desperately wanted. Because of his perfect life and his sacrificial death, I could really actually be clean and free from accusation. I understood why he died. He took that guilt, shame, and failure away from me. He stood before the perfect God with my imperfection all over him. My guilt is on him . . . and his goodness is on me!
“The Ten Commandments were given so that all could see the extent of their failure to obey God's laws. But the more we see our sinfulness, the more we see God's abounding grace forgiving us. Before, sin ruled over all men and brought them to death, but now God's kindness rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” (Romans 5:20-21)
First, I was horrified to feel a growing sense of spiritual and national superiority. Africa had so many problems. I was surrounded by daily poverty and suffering which I attributed to corruption, dependency on foreign aid, and what I perceived as a general lack of resourcefulness and ingenuity. In my heart grew judgementalism, distrust, and defensiveness toward my fellow students, professors, and friends. I was ashamed of these feelings and afraid that someone would see through my kind, giving exterior to the darkness of my heart. Much of the time I just wanted to go home; run away from the problems and from my pride.
The second major surprise was just how controlled by vanity I was. I gained nearly 20 pounds while there, and it was really bothering me. I had tried bulimic behaviors a few times while I was at college in the States. Now I tried it again, binging and fasting. In my spirit I was very uncomfortable with it, but I ignored my guilty conscience and kept on. I nearly ruined the relationship with my fiancee over it as he began to discover how self-centered and fake I was. He should have just dumped me; vanity was getting in the way of our love for each other, for the people around me, and God.
The third failing was sexual immorality with my fiancee. Our engaged life was tainted with regret as we struggled to stay pure before marriage. I had lived my life on the belief that God’s ways were best – that obedience was not a burden but rather a benefit of being his dearly loved child. But seriously! . . .obedience in terms of sexual purity seemed a terrible burden in times of passion and romance! We ended up not only failed God’s standards, but our own expectations as well. And no matter how guilty and determined we felt to stop, we were powerless to change our future actions, let alone erase our past actions!
Now I understand that you who are reading this may believe my guilt over these things was misplaced or unjustified. Fine. But I believe that there comes a point in every life when you simply know that what you did was not good enough. You have failed; you messed up. That was me. It was a gross and inescapable reality – I had done the wrong thing. I was wrong. I could have dismissed my guilt by saying, “nobody’s perfect” or “everyone makes mistakes” or “I have a right to do what feels good to me.” Yet I realized an imperfection was in me and it bothered me deep down. I wanted it erased and gone. I was desperate to be clean and free from accusation.
That’s when my childhood friendship with Jesus became not just a fairytale fantasy but a bloody-real deal. Jesus was the only one who could offer me what I desperately wanted. Because of his perfect life and his sacrificial death, I could really actually be clean and free from accusation. I understood why he died. He took that guilt, shame, and failure away from me. He stood before the perfect God with my imperfection all over him. My guilt is on him . . . and his goodness is on me!
“The Ten Commandments were given so that all could see the extent of their failure to obey God's laws. But the more we see our sinfulness, the more we see God's abounding grace forgiving us. Before, sin ruled over all men and brought them to death, but now God's kindness rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” (Romans 5:20-21)
Jeff's Story
I grew up in a great family. We went to church regularly and I had a heart for spiritual things as a child. I remember being frightened of hell as a small child because I knew that I was a handful and frustrating to my mother and teachers. I instinctively knew that I was a person who deserved hell. I was thoroughly and contentedly selfish and there was real no cure as far as I was concerned or really cared to know.
One significant event in my development happened in Kindergarten when I was chewed out by my teacher in front of the class. I had pushed her too far and she said that I was the worst kid she had ever had. This was not new information to me, but I turned a corner and realized that I had to hide the real beast within. I became a “nice” boy, the kind parents tell their children to emulate, the kind teachers praise in front of the class. But, I was hiding from God and everyone else. The truth is that I knew from an early age that I had “control” issues with God. I felt from my earliest memories that Jesus wanted me to walk closely with him and to follow him wherever he would lead me. But I instinctively reserved the right to make the big decisions for myself. By middle school, I could probably articulate that my biggest fears were that if I took Jesus seriously he would want me to be a missionary and to marry some strange young woman. Instead I offered up my “niceness” to God, imagining that my work ethic and good grades were somehow good enough. I knew they weren’t, and I carried a world of secret guilt. Every night I said my prayers in bed, but I knew that the unspoken part of my prayers was for Jesus to stay on his side of the road and not to threaten my carefully laid plans. I wanted Jesus to be my Saviour and my well-satisfied employer, but I didn’t trust him to be my friend and my King.
In university I finally got to something difficult. My studies were hard and not fitted to my abilities. I failed some classes and I put my chin down to work harder and climb the mountain alone. I began to date a beautiful and charming young woman who did not have a personal faith in Jesus Christ. Suddenly when I lay down in bed at night to talk with Jesus, I couldn’t escape the truth that I was living for myself and really wasn’t following him at all. What followed were months of pain. I could no longer hide from the fact that nothing had changed in my orientation to live for myself. I felt like God slowly stripped away my artificial sense of goodness and left me without skin. I was 6 years old in front of my Kindergarten teacher and it hurt like hell. I finished the fight with God somewhere in the spring of my 19th year. I think He finally decided to subdue me and I was beat. I stopped hiding. I began reading my Bible for hours a day. Suddenly, I wasn’t carrying a mountain of secret guilt. The truth of passages like II Corinthians 5:21, “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”, came home to me. God wasn’t impressed with anything I could ever do, the only righteousness that he could ever accept was that which Jesus offered me as a gift. I found that my affections changed and I wanted to walk closely with Jesus. I suddenly cared for other people in ways that I hadn’t before. I wasn’t so afraid of where Jesus would lead me. I’m still a “sinner”, and still notice my selfishness and my tendencies to hide from God or treat him like an employer, but it is always the simple truth of the gospel, that Jesus died for my sins and gives me his perfect righteousness that has accomplished any real change in my heart and life. It is my hope that in sharing some of my story with you, that you will be encouraged to explore the historic truths of the Christian faith, a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
One significant event in my development happened in Kindergarten when I was chewed out by my teacher in front of the class. I had pushed her too far and she said that I was the worst kid she had ever had. This was not new information to me, but I turned a corner and realized that I had to hide the real beast within. I became a “nice” boy, the kind parents tell their children to emulate, the kind teachers praise in front of the class. But, I was hiding from God and everyone else. The truth is that I knew from an early age that I had “control” issues with God. I felt from my earliest memories that Jesus wanted me to walk closely with him and to follow him wherever he would lead me. But I instinctively reserved the right to make the big decisions for myself. By middle school, I could probably articulate that my biggest fears were that if I took Jesus seriously he would want me to be a missionary and to marry some strange young woman. Instead I offered up my “niceness” to God, imagining that my work ethic and good grades were somehow good enough. I knew they weren’t, and I carried a world of secret guilt. Every night I said my prayers in bed, but I knew that the unspoken part of my prayers was for Jesus to stay on his side of the road and not to threaten my carefully laid plans. I wanted Jesus to be my Saviour and my well-satisfied employer, but I didn’t trust him to be my friend and my King.
In university I finally got to something difficult. My studies were hard and not fitted to my abilities. I failed some classes and I put my chin down to work harder and climb the mountain alone. I began to date a beautiful and charming young woman who did not have a personal faith in Jesus Christ. Suddenly when I lay down in bed at night to talk with Jesus, I couldn’t escape the truth that I was living for myself and really wasn’t following him at all. What followed were months of pain. I could no longer hide from the fact that nothing had changed in my orientation to live for myself. I felt like God slowly stripped away my artificial sense of goodness and left me without skin. I was 6 years old in front of my Kindergarten teacher and it hurt like hell. I finished the fight with God somewhere in the spring of my 19th year. I think He finally decided to subdue me and I was beat. I stopped hiding. I began reading my Bible for hours a day. Suddenly, I wasn’t carrying a mountain of secret guilt. The truth of passages like II Corinthians 5:21, “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”, came home to me. God wasn’t impressed with anything I could ever do, the only righteousness that he could ever accept was that which Jesus offered me as a gift. I found that my affections changed and I wanted to walk closely with Jesus. I suddenly cared for other people in ways that I hadn’t before. I wasn’t so afraid of where Jesus would lead me. I’m still a “sinner”, and still notice my selfishness and my tendencies to hide from God or treat him like an employer, but it is always the simple truth of the gospel, that Jesus died for my sins and gives me his perfect righteousness that has accomplished any real change in my heart and life. It is my hope that in sharing some of my story with you, that you will be encouraged to explore the historic truths of the Christian faith, a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
Sandy's Story
I grew up in North Vancouver and as a young child and I was introduced to Christianity from a very early age. My mother was actively involved in the Church as a Sunday School Teacher and I attended Sunday school. The story of Jesus was really appealing to me. However, while I truly enjoyed the stories and Jesus’ love of children I really didn’t know anything about God. Certainly I had no clue that God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit was related – let alone that each of them was joined as one-in-the-same.
As I grew older I moved through the various levels of Sunday School and “graduated” to becoming a regular Church attendee. During all the time I attended Church I continued to become more familiar with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit Unfortunately I can’t say that I had anything other than a rather weak understanding that was purely intellectual. I didn’t know it at the time – but obviously it was not yet in my heart. That said I did know God was there with me. Somehow I knew that I could feel God and I honestly felt that he was listening to me when I prayed.
During my late teens, and while attending university I stopped going to Church. I was no longer praying, I felt more self-reliant and my ego was getting in the way big-time. You know what though, I also felt a tremendous sense of guilt because I could still feel God and I was consciously pushing Him away.
After university I married and both my wife (who had also grown up in a Christian family) and I were not attending Church. It was only once we had children that we returned to Church because we felt our children should be exposed to Christianity. The experience was great for a while – but we knew our Spiritual needs were not being met. We felt God calling – but he was not where we were. So we began looking for another Church - one where we could feel that our Spiritual appetite was being met.
It was right at this time that God stepped in. Through my wife’s connection with Girl Guides she met an incredible Christian woman who had just moved to Victoria from the United States. It turned out that she and her husband had moved to Victoria to plant a Church in Oak Bay. My wife and I decided to give the new Church a try.
This was a pivotal moment for me. I still remember with great clarity the first time I heard her husband the Pastor preach. The feelings I had were remarkable – an incredible combination of being very excited and completely unnerved. I felt that God was speaking directly to me! For the first time all of the feelings that I had had and sensed since I was very young were smashing through my intellectual walls and striking right to my heart. I finally felt the assurance that my guilt had been taken away by Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. This knowledge has literally changed my life!
Since that day I have tried as best I can to follow the path that God has set for me. Don’t get me wrong I am still a sinner. I am far more prideful than I would like to be and I certainly have my times when I resist the path the Lord is taking me down. However, I am calmer than I have ever been because I know that God is there for me. He is my rock.
As I grew older I moved through the various levels of Sunday School and “graduated” to becoming a regular Church attendee. During all the time I attended Church I continued to become more familiar with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit Unfortunately I can’t say that I had anything other than a rather weak understanding that was purely intellectual. I didn’t know it at the time – but obviously it was not yet in my heart. That said I did know God was there with me. Somehow I knew that I could feel God and I honestly felt that he was listening to me when I prayed.
During my late teens, and while attending university I stopped going to Church. I was no longer praying, I felt more self-reliant and my ego was getting in the way big-time. You know what though, I also felt a tremendous sense of guilt because I could still feel God and I was consciously pushing Him away.
After university I married and both my wife (who had also grown up in a Christian family) and I were not attending Church. It was only once we had children that we returned to Church because we felt our children should be exposed to Christianity. The experience was great for a while – but we knew our Spiritual needs were not being met. We felt God calling – but he was not where we were. So we began looking for another Church - one where we could feel that our Spiritual appetite was being met.
It was right at this time that God stepped in. Through my wife’s connection with Girl Guides she met an incredible Christian woman who had just moved to Victoria from the United States. It turned out that she and her husband had moved to Victoria to plant a Church in Oak Bay. My wife and I decided to give the new Church a try.
This was a pivotal moment for me. I still remember with great clarity the first time I heard her husband the Pastor preach. The feelings I had were remarkable – an incredible combination of being very excited and completely unnerved. I felt that God was speaking directly to me! For the first time all of the feelings that I had had and sensed since I was very young were smashing through my intellectual walls and striking right to my heart. I finally felt the assurance that my guilt had been taken away by Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. This knowledge has literally changed my life!
Since that day I have tried as best I can to follow the path that God has set for me. Don’t get me wrong I am still a sinner. I am far more prideful than I would like to be and I certainly have my times when I resist the path the Lord is taking me down. However, I am calmer than I have ever been because I know that God is there for me. He is my rock.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Scott's Story
My parents were Christians and so as a family we went to church, I attended the youth group, and I heard many people’s stories of faith growing up. I remember wondering as I heard people’s stories if ever such a faith could be found in my heart. I guess my life could have been summed up as self-reliant. I remember always suffering from daily anxiety as I fought for a sense of control over life. Whether it was family members to please, friends and girlfriends to make me feel secure and keep happy, or fears of success in work and sport, I had a steady amount of personal “to do’s” that kept me from desiring any real relationship with God through Jesus Christ. And so it was at this time that I remember lacking compulsion to know Jesus personally, much less to love him, because I never really felt I needed him. I was aware of various Christian truths such as the sinful condition of humanity, God’s justice and judgement, and the Christmas story of Christ’s coming to earth to die for my sin and rise from the dead. They seemed like important truths but remained irrelevant to my life.
What I found was that it took time for me to actually want them to be true. I figure that much of what we hear about Jesus today remains objectionable to any person until a real change of heart takes place. Even now I find much of about Jesus can be hard to deal with, although it now intrigues me more than it repels.
It was not until one summer evening that a change took place in my life. My grandmother happened to come across a sermon tape, which I thankfully found the time to listen to. I imagine the speech wasn’t much different than others I had heard over the years, but looking back I see how it was actually God who was doing the work on me, the listener. As the preacher spoke clearly about the standards of God's law I felt a strange thing: a sense of deep guilt before God began to grow. It was as if my heart was being exposed for the first time. I had felt other forms of guilt from social rejections, frustration in relationships, and disappointments in school, but they paled in comparison to the heaviness that I felt that night. It was then that I realised I was playing God by trying to keep control of my life. I saw through my actions for what they were - expressions of a life in rebellion against God.
What happened next was something miraculous. I went and found my grandfather’s Bible and with conviction I opened it to the book of Romans. I read through the night, contemplating each word as if it was the first time I had ever seen it. And I guess in a way it was. My heart was beat up by the Holy Spirit over my sin. In some small way I finally understood God's justice and so I could see I deserved hell. But what is most amazing is that God didn’t leave me in despair for long, because I continued reading and saw the message of his grace as never before. I read Romans 6:23, which says "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." This verse hit me in particular because I actually wanted it to be true for me. This passage speaks about God’s grace as a gift. The thing about gifts is they have to be received in order to be enjoyed, just like a posted package will be sent back to the shipper if it is not received at the door. I knew about this gift my whole life but had not received it because I never appreciated its value. I’ve been a Christian for about a decade now. I can’t say that I have “arrived” at a full comprehension of God’s love and grace. But understanding the value Jesus Christ’s work on my behalf has significantly changed me. I still struggle with self-reliance, so I always need deeper reminders of my need for Jesus. It’s like growing in my need for him, which I first discovered that summer night.
This is a small part of the story of how God is graciously changing my life by faith in his Son. It is my hope that by reading this you too might receive the gift of God’s grace by freshly considering the story of Christianity for yourself.
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